As a Child, The Options Were Endless

dont disappoint yourself

I am 26 years old. I remember being little thinking those my age really had their shit together. “I’m going to have a nice car to drive around in and a beautiful house with a white picket fence for my gorgeous family to live in.” – just some of the thoughts I had when I was younger. I also thought I’d be married by now, maybe even have a kid.

Man, what little I knew back then. 

Now, I realize how much work is needed to achieve those things. You can’t just get married for the hell of it, which a lot seem to do now-a-days. Hey, you’ll get a ton of likes on Facebook and Instagram though, right? The sacred bond of marriage seems to have slowly dwindled away the past few years. Some couples jump right into it just to change their Facebook relationship status to “engaged.” And don’t even get me started on the cost of a wedding! Sheesh! If only I put money aside with those cut outs of wedding dresses when I was younger…

And the kid thing, everyone around me is having children. And don’t get me wrong, I am at that age now where this is supposed to happen. And it’s absolutely beautiful and I can’t wait to have my own little bundle of joy one day. But… just like marriage, it’s the cool thing to do. So many kids having kids and people expecting you to have them by a certain age!

Me? I want to be 150% okay with myself before bringing a child into this world. Why? Because they deserve me at my very best. And my twenties have been… well, a learning experience. I’ve changed and grown into someone who I’m in awe of at times. And others times I’m angry with myself, but it’s all a part of the growing process.

I am 26 years old and things did not pan out quite the way I thought they would. And that is okay. It’s okay! Things don’t always go as planned and that only means there is something else in store for you that you were not able to “plan” for.

Keep going and moving forward… no matter how slow you may think you’re moving, you’re still going forward, and forward is the right direction. 

If You Only Had 6 Months to Live


I was watching TV with my mom tonight when a commercial came on about a new TV show where a woman learns she has cancer. She talks about how her whole life is different now and she begins to do every crazy thing she’s always wanted to do. Then my mom turned and said to me, “Imagine you were told you could only live for another 6 months? Think of all the things you would do.” This statement really got me thinking… how come we need to be told we have a deadline for us to start living like we have one? Because the truth is, we all have a deadline. Some come faster than others and some are told theirs when others never get the warning.

Imagine how differently you would live if you knew when you were going to leave this Earth. But the real question is, why can’t we live that way anyway? Why can’t any of us just enjoy ourselves like we were dying??? We are dying, all of us are. We should really start living like it. Instead we waste our days away, slaving away at jobs we hate, letting people walk all over us, always putting off our hopes and dreams because of the reality that’s in front of us at that moment. I think we’ve got it all wrong… the ones out there living really get it. Are you one of them?

Waiting Game

It seems as though we’re always waiting for something

Waiting for work to end, waiting for the traffic to clear, waiting for a better day ahead.

That’s what keeps us going though isn’t it?

The thought of there being better days ahead?

It’s funny what we tell ourselves when our brain is becoming feeble,

Just to get it back up and running again.


Helpful Ways to Relieve Stress


Whether your stress is coming from your job, family, friends, a relationship, etc. there are a bunch of different ways one can lessen their stress levels. Of course, it won’t be gone forever (don’t we wish?) but temporary relief is better than nothing! Check out some of the ways I like to alleviate stress.

1. Cleaning. This may sound weird to some people and even cause stress for some. But try it out and see what happens. Usually once you start, it’s harder to stop and you end up cleaning the whole house. It gets your mind off things and helps you focus on the task at hand. Throw on some music to add some fun to it.


2. Cooking. This is for those of you who actually enjoy to cook. Pour yourself a glass of wine and make a delicious dish. Cooking can be very relaxing if you let it. And the best part is, you get to indulge afterwards.


3. Working Out. The hardest part to working out is getting started. So, once you push yourself it will get easier as you go. After your work out, you will feel better than before and will feel satisfied knowing you didn’t back out of doing it.


4. Yoga/Meditation. This is something I’ve only tried a couple of times but when I did do it, it definitely made me feel relaxed. Apple has a bunch of apps you can download to listen to soft, spa-like music and most are free to download. You can also look some up on YouTube if you don’t want to download anything. The music will help set the mood and make you feel extra peaceful.


5. Take a bubble bath. Light some candles and take a nice, long bath. Even if your mind is still running rapid from the day you had, your body will be forced to calm down… soon making you feel amazing. Put on some soothing music and drink a glass of wine to really set it off.


6. Get organized. This is another idea that some people may find to be weird to alleviate stress. But if you think about it, when things are cluttered and all over the place, your mind feels that way as well. So, once you have everything in place, neat and clean you will gain a sense of fulfillment knowing that it’s one less thing to worry about.


7. Blast the music and sing along. Even if you can’t sing, let it out anyway. It’s sort of like screaming really loud and feeling relief after. The music and singing will boost your mood.


8. Get a massage. You may think massages are expensive, but local nail salons sometimes do a better job and are less expensive than spas. I do this every now and then just to get some temporary back pain relief without breaking the bank.


9. Take a road trip. This is one I wish I could do more. Take a short road trip one weekend with a friend, lover or even by yourself if it’s what you need. Just being away from your routine life and daily surrounding will give you a sense of serenity. And another great plus, you will have the chance to explore new things and see new places.


10. Drink a glass of wine, or three. I mentioned wine a few times in this post so it’s easy to tell that I use it as one of my stress relievers. Get together with the girls and have a wine night or cuddle up on the couch and watch a feel-good movie to take you out of your element for a bit.


Eat, Pray, Love – My Peaceful Spot


If you could pack up and just leave where would you go? What places do you see inspiring you and making you a better version of yourself? In Eat, Pray, Love a woman sets out on an adventure to pursue the things she believes will give her happiness. What’s so special about these places you want to travel to that you feel you cannot receive being at home living your everyday life?

When I’m having a bad day or just day dreaming while at work… I picture myself somewhere peaceful, and warm with a slight breeze. I can see myself looking over an ocean or grassy hills while the wind is blowing through my hair. I’m on top of something, a rock or a hill. I have a smile on my face because I’ve never seen something so beautiful. I’ve never felt as happy as I am in that very moment. I breathe in air that feels pure and clean and when I breathe out I feel all the everyday burdens lifting off of me. I feel as light as a feather. I have my hair up, which I never really do while at home because I feel it looks better down. But, in this moment my hair is up so I can see the smile on my face. The wind makes it a bit messy, letting the strands fly up in the air and over my face.

Now, I wonder, where exactly is this place? There’s a couple of places it could be that I’ve always dreamed of going to. Tuscany, Italy… Ireland… or a place like Bali which the woman in Eat, Pray, Love actually travels to. Bali is attractive to me because she seems to really find herself and get in touch with her inner thoughts while there. This is what I feel like when I’m in my peaceful spot. I’m also alone. Maybe someone has traveled there with me and is out being a tourist or inside the villa making breakfast. But either way, my peaceful spot is just mine.

Until I find my peaceful spot, I live everyday waiting to get to it. Maybe under the surface it is what keeps me going. Knowing that one day I will find it and feel the breeze while I’m smiling big. My everyday life gets in the way of finding my peaceful spot here. I just don’t feel that it’s possible to find here, but that’s okay with me because I don’t plan on being where I am forever. So, after reading this think of your peaceful spot… you may not even know you have one. It’s the place your mind travels to when you need to go the most.


Daily Prompt: The Guilt that Haunts Me | Learning to Live with A Lingering Guilt

Daily Prompt: The Guilt that Haunts Me | Learning to Live with A Lingering Guilt

The Daily Post @ Word Press has asked its bloggers to write about a time they were overcome with guilt and what was done to overcome those feelings. Here goes nothing!


Maybe things would have been different but what if this was the way things were supposed to be? A question so many of us ask ourselves but never seem to find the answer to. I don’t have guilt for anything silly, I have a guilt that weighs on my shoulders each day like I have a toddler sitting on them. But, guess what? You can’t let guilt kill you, overrule you. I’m not talking about the type of dead when you’re in the ground either, I’m talking about taking away the life inside of you as you walk the streets like every other human being. You’re alive, but you’re not living.

So, what happens when you face a guilt trip that never seems to fade away? Learn to live with it in the back of your mind? Try to find the happiness and positivity from the situation? I do a little bit of both. I do the first because a certain guilt will always be present, even when you pretend it’s not there. I do the second so I can still live a fulfilling, happy lifestyle. They say to forgive others because at the end of the day, you’re only hurting yourself. What about forgiving yourself? This should be more important than any other kind of forgiving. Because you have to live with yourself. Nobody else, you. People can try to help you until they’re blue in the face but no changes will be made until you make them happen.

If you have read any of my previous posts, some can sense why I have a certain guilt that hangs over me. Family is the most important thing in the world, the ones you would most likely do anything for. My guilt comes from a night where I wish I had done things differently, where I should have prevented things in a different way rather than the way I chose.

Matthew is my 17 year old brother, he graduates high school this year and I can’t even believe it! Makes me feel like I’m getting old, too. He almost passed away at the young age of 15 at the hands of a 19 year old boy that was on my front lawn with a baseball bat, along with a couple of other teenage boys. When you’re in a certain situation, your mind and body automatically go into defense mode and do what you feel is right in the moment. You don’t see clearly when your body is pumped with adrenaline, or maybe you see clearer than ever before. If this is the case, I doubt anyone would ever admit it. My brother got hit in the face with a full on baseball swing, causing damages to his entire face. Shattered bones, broken nose, broken eye socket, broken and missing teeth, broken jaw. He now has 35 screws and 8 titanium plates holding his face together along with a mesh netting in place of his eye socket along with some lose of sight in his left eye. He went thru months of intense pain and doctors/dentists visits. There are things that he will forever have to keep an eye out for, like hitting his face against something or being in a car accident where the airbag deploys because it can break his face all over again.

I was the only family member home with him that night. I have always been very protective of my two brothers, almost like a mother. I know he does not blame me for anything that happened, but at times I cannot help but blame myself. But instead of constantly hating myself, I try to look at the positive. He’s still alive, looking handsome too! The surgeon did a great job on his face and it’s hard to even tell that anything happened to him. Another positive, I feel closer to him than ever before. Because no matter how hard and devastating it was, it’s something we share as brother and sister. I did take precautions to make sure he did not get hurt that night, I won’t get into that though. So he knows I tried my best. And to me, if he knows that deep down then this is something I can live with. Although, I have no choice. He doesn’t have a choice either though, so I shouldn’t be the one complaining. That’s another reason right there for me to look at the positive.

So, as for overcoming this guilt. I’m still in the process. I’m doing much better than I was a year ago though. (This happened last March) so I give myself credit. Things can always be worse, yes something can be incredibly bad to cause you to question things but always remember what could have happened instead of what did. And I’m happy to say that I have both my brothers to open gifts with tomorrow morning on Christmas. That, I am extremely thankful for.

People Think Differently Than You

One of the things humans tend to do a lot are take things personally. I do this at times also, not realizing that I’m just hurting myself and causing myself to stress about unnecessary situations. People think differently than you do. We were all raised by different parents or guardians that taught us the way of life they believed was right. Not everyone believes in the same things, which causes disagreements. Your mind works differently than theirs, maybe what you take seriously, they could care less about. When we sit there and question why people aren’t understanding us or why people do things differently from us we are taking it too personally. It’s not up to us to make them think the same way, therefore the situation has nothing to do with you deep down. When you come to realize this, you will gain a sense of freedom because you will not take things personally any longer.